some rubbish jokes

[littlemissloud]

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".


two sausages in a fryin pan

one screams 'aaaghh its hot in here'

the other screams

'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhh talking sausage!!!'

[redkingjoe]

There were once three people called Rubbish, Manners, and Go away. They were all related since they were all brothers.
One day Rubbish got flattened by a train, so manners started to sweep him up. Then, a policeman came up to Go away and said, "What is your name?"
Go away replied: "Go away."
The policeman said, "Now really! Please, I only need your name. What is it?"
Go away said simply: "Go away."
The police started to angry at this point. "Just say your name and I'll go away!" he hissed. "What is your name?"
"Go away."
The policeman got very frustrated here. He glared at go away and asked: "Where is your manners?"
"Sweeping up rubbish."

[Phil McBride]

There were once three people called Rubbish, Manners, and Go away. They were all related since they were all brothers.
One day Rubbish got flattened by a train, so manners started to sweep him up. Then, a policeman came up to Go away and said, "What is your name?"
Go away replied: "Go away."
The policeman said, "Now really! Please, I only need your name. What is it?"
Go away said simply: "Go away."
The police started to angry at this point. "Just say your name and I'll go away!" he hissed. "What is your name?"
"Go away."
The policeman got very frustrated here. He glared at go away and asked: "Where is your manners?"
"Sweeping up rubbish."

I seem to remember seeing this somewhere else recently Red :p

[redkingjoe]

I seem to remember seeing this somewhere else recently Red :p

just try to throw in rubbish joke :p

[littlemissloud]

whats a hindu? Lays eggs

why did the koala fall out the tree? it was dead

why did the tree fall down? The koala forgot to let go. (a hahahahahaha)

how many men does it take to wallpaper a room? about two if they'r thinly sliced

what do u call an italian with a rubber toe? roberto

why do seagulls have wings? to beat the gypsies to the rubbish tip ( :D :D :D )

[Loafer]

William shakespear walks into a pub.

Landlord shouts "get out your barred"


man walks into a pub and sees a stable at the far end of the bar with a horse in it, the top half of the stable door is open and the horse is looking out. next to the stable door, on the end of the bar is a large jar of £5 notes. The man asks for a pint and while he is drinking it, he asks the bar man "why the horse and the money?"

the barman says "it is a competition. you pay a fiver and if you can make my horse laugh you win all the money in the jar"

ok the man says. finishes his pint and walks up to the horse. with his back to the barman he whispers in the horses ear. immediately the horse starts laughing hysterically.

The barman says, "a deals a deal" and gives the man the jar of money.

two weeks later the man finds himself in the area and pops back to the pub. Sure enough, there is the horse and there is the jar of money only this time the jar has £20 notes in it.

the man orders a pint and asks "why is it £20 this time?"

Barman says "because it is tougher now, now you have to make my horse cry"

"ok" the guys says, "I will give it a go"

so he finishes his pint, and wanders down to the end of the bar.

again after a short time with the horse, the horse breaks down, only this time in tears.

the man picks up the jar and begins to take his money.

The barman says "ok I have to know, how on earth did you beat my competition both times.

"It was easy" the man said "the first time, i told your horse my knob was bigger than his, and the second time i showed him!"

[redkingjoe]

This young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas.

He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili.

After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't goin' to eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down tothe bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was
shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

[Splatt]

These are so bad...yet funny. I could probably cry. Lol.

[redkingjoe]

These are so bad...yet funny. I could probably cry. Lol.

hi Splatt,
LOL
a warm welcome to badder.com...really wish that you'll throw in one or two rubbish jokes that's either worse or funnier than those that are here

(btw: i have visited :(http://forum.deviantart.com/)...it's really interesting there and the site has enlightened me too...so i registered as a member too... i really like looking at those arts....notes to self: got to spend more time studying arts)

Welcome.

[redkingjoe]

These are so bad...yet funny. I could probably cry. Lol.
amy,
finally, i went to:(http://splatty.deviantart.com/)...you are so talented...got to teach me some of these arts thingies...how to learn these?

[Splatt]

Lol, thanks for welcoming me. I shall imput my own bad jokes...when I see fit :P lol.

Haha, I don't think I can teach you...seeing as I'm crap : /

[redkingjoe]

Lol, thanks for welcoming me. I shall imput my own bad jokes...when I see fit :P lol.

Haha, I don't think I can teach you...seeing as I'm crap : /

LOL

1 really longing for some bad jokes...
2 i went to your homepage...i truely believe that you are very talented...how about giving me some essential key tips on the introduction to the basic principal of elementary arts work appreciation? that'll be very nice...really want to learn but don't know how to start

[Splatt]

Start with basic shapes, if you want to - draw people as a first priority - it helps with the whole proportion aspect.

www.saveloomis.org is a great place.

Here is my...imput of a bad joke.

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they
were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a
phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to
the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself
in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now
owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful,
in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a
brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his
career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.
"He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a
friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a
stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the
last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio
as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell
him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny
are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,
and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the
bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars,
and a big stock portfolio."


...


haha

[redkingjoe]

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned
out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,
and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the
bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last
three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars,
and a big stock portfolio."


really LOL.., btw, do you also have something like this: (http://www.badders.com/forum/showthread.html?t=1440)

how about this:

There were four guys who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. They were from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and NUS.The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told the men that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one hired. All applicants agreed that this was fair.

The next day, the first applicant called in was from Harvard.

The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

The young man thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be a thought."

"Why do you say that?" asked the president.

"Well, a thought takes no time at all -- it is in your mind in an instant, then gone again."

"Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president.

Next the same question was posed to the young man from Yale, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

The young man paused and replied, "That would have to be a blink."

"Why?" asked the president.

"Because you don't even think about a blink, it's just a reflex. You do it in an instant."

The president thanked him, then called in the next person.

The young man from MIT was asked what the fastest thing in the world was, and after hesitating for a brief moment, he replied, "I would have to say electricity. Why? Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately, three miles away a light will go on."

"I see, very good," replied the president.

Then, the young man from NUS was called in. He, too, was asked, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

"That's easy..." he replied, "that would have to be diarrhea!"

Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK...BLINK...or TURN ON THE LIGHTS... I **** all over myself!!!"

[Splatt]

Roflmao.

:D

[redkingjoe]

Start with basic shapes, if you want to - draw people as a first priority - it helps with the whole proportion aspect.

www.saveloomis.org is a great place.


that's really a great place, thank you... i don't think i can draw but the following book really helps to do a bit more of the "appreciation":

[Splatt]

No problemo dude.

[redkingjoe]

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a

well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner."Good morning, "

said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your

time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered

vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she

proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged

his foot in the door and pushed wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my
demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse
manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned
good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

[littlemissloud]

haha not bad

but i think i am the expert for crap jokes so..

what do you call a Scottish Cloakroom Attendent?
Hangus McCoatup

hahaha

Did you hear about the gay magician?
He disappeared with a poof

two chimps in a bath
ones goes ooo aa ee oo aaa eee
the other goes
'put some cold water in'

hahahhahaha

two cows in a field. One goes mooooooo, the other goes 'i was gonna say that'

two sausages in a frying pan. one goes 'aaarghhhh its hot in here' the other goes 'AARRRGHHH talking sausage!!'

hahahahaah now that is funny - just picture it

what you call a pig with ten eyes?
piiiiiiiiiig

HAHAHHAHAHAHHA

[redkingjoe]

hohoho, not too bad. how about this:

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all the Children the same kind of Lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colors and flavors.

The children began to say:
Red... cherries
Yellow... lemons
Green... limes
Orange... oranges
Purple... grapes

Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them
for a few minutes, none of the children could identify the taste.
Well"' he said, "I'll give you a clue...
It's what your mother might sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out & yelled::::: "Oh my God! They're a$$holes!"