GIRLS GUYS SHOULD KNOW

[redkingjoe]

This is a repost:

30 THINGS GUYS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GIRLS:

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mad.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the **** out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like ****, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

(If you have read this and you are a girl, then some of these things are actually really true...am I right?! And if you read this and you are a guy, then these are like the mother ****in best tips you could ever get!)

You now have 2 options...
1) Repost this bulletin and you will have good luck in all your relationships.
2) Ignore this, and you will have bad luck in all your relationships...now you wouldn't want that, would you?!

[redkingjoe]

These are all GOOD :thumbup: :D

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, ripper and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW.

[littlemissloud]

" a man is vaguely aware of some short people living in his house'


a hahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahah :D :D :D :D :D :D
rofl

[Phil McBride]

Towels from M & S Red?

Are you mad?

:p :p :p

[redkingjoe]

Words Women Use

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

[redkingjoe]

some quote:
A couple things I'll never understand about women:
1. Men usually leave, go for a ride to prevent an argument. The problem is that it makes women even madder. Why would they want you to stay there and argue?
2. I'll never understand how they fall in love with you but then start trying to change you. WHy fall for someone who needs to change so many things?
3. On the flipside they hate it when you want them to change something. They may do it but they hate it because they think you really didn't like them in the first place.
4. I'll never understand why they get mad when you don't answer the question, "what's wrong....did I do anything?" You're trying not to say anything to prevent an argument but they won't let you. You eventually get into an argument about ignoring them. Then the thing that made you quiet finally comes out and they're doubly upset.

I could go on but I said there were a couple.

[redkingjoe]

men vs women

[redkingjoe]

Young King Arthurr was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of the neighboring kingdom.
The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youhtful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer, if after one year he still had no answer, he would be killed.
The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was better than death, however he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princes, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the old witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he'd have to accept her price first: the old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the knights of the round table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified, she was a hunchback and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises. He had never run across repugnant creature.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the round table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question:

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put out her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, bleched and farted, and made everyone around her uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, endered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half she would be here beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which at night?

What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament: during the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, a old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but at night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice......






Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing that, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.


What is the moral of this story?

The moral is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, smart or dumb. Underneath it all, she's still a witch.

[Splatt]

Suprisingly, I'm nothing at all like this :rolleyes:

[redkingjoe]

Suprisingly, I'm nothing at all like this :rolleyes:

sounds great, let's exercise our noodles and play a game(well this may train up one's observational skills). the game is called "be a layman psychologist" or "be a layman soccial scientist"
how about :
1 show those "claims" to Dave and ask for some feedback
2 show those to guys for discussions

use those "claims" during daily life to:
3 watch dad and mom
4 watch antie and uncle
5 watch other younger or older couples

it'll be fun and educational...i think

[redkingjoe]

LADIES VS REAL WOMEN:

LADIES -- If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,
drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant
fix-me-up.
REAL WOMEN -- If you over-salt a dish while you're cooking, that's too
damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you
will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

LADIES -- Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on
your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
REAL WOMEN -- Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You
might still have a headache, but who cares.

LADIES -- Stuff a miniature marshmallow at the bottom of the a sugar cone
to prevent ice cream drips.
REAL WOMEN -- Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
pete's sake. You're probably sitting on your a$$ on the couch, with your
feet up anyway.

LADIES -- To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with
the potatoes.
REAL WOMEN -- Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry
about the potatoes growing arms and legs.

LADIES -- When the cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a
bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the
inside of the cake.
REAL WOMEN -- Go to the bakery-- they'll even decorate the son-of-a-bi*ch
for you.

LADIES -- Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to
yield a beautiful glossy finish.
REAL WOMEN -- Sara Lee frozen freakin' pie directions do not include
brushing egg whites, so I don't do it.

LADIES -- If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing
gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
REAL WOMEN -- Go ask the very HOT neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip...

LADIES -- Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes
for future use in casserole and sauces.
REAL WOMEN -- Leftover wine?????????

[*Gavin*]

A man was walking along a Florida beach, and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah blah blah! This is the 4th time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes, so you can forget about three of them. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while, and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that!How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete ... how much steel! No, think of another wish."

The man said OK, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they REALLY want, when they say nothing'.. know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"

=======================================

I'm just passing through...

[redkingjoe]

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It's not difficult. To make a woman happy you only need to be: -
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynaecologist
16. A psychologist
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organiser
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate


WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls


AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes


IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. To never forget:
Birthdays
Anniversaries
Arrangements she makes
Unfortunately, even if you keep to all these rules, her happiness is
not guaranteed.

[littlemissloud]

come on - thats not much to ask for now!!

and you missed out rich!!

[redkingjoe]

come on - thats not much to ask for now!!

and you missed out rich!!

yeh, i missed out rich but i have item 47:

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY
...
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

[littlemissloud]

oops ma bad

[redkingjoe]

actually, i think i missed out on chocolate...almost all gals that i know love it...i think we can make woman happy by giving them chocolate.

yeh, no wonder there's a film called chocolate factory...i guess most gals will go and take a look to see what's in it

[littlemissloud]

na

im not bothered about chocolate

[redkingjoe]

Towels from M & S Red?

Are you mad?

:p :p :p

mad!?!?!?!?
towels from marks & spencers are of good quality :p :p :p

[redkingjoe]

na

im not bothered about chocolate
don't like chocolate..how about shoes and shopping?

i never ever find a woman that doesn't like both(may be i have too little female friends...hehehe)...i live with my son, my wife, mom-in-law and a domestic helper(a young gal from indonesia)...all of these ladies have loads of shoes...really scaring

every morning, the domestic helper takes out at least half a dozen pair of shoes for my wife to pick from so as to match the clothing and handbag!!!!

how many pair of shoes do u have? which brand do u like? what's the most popular brand in the UK?

[littlemissloud]

the 'domestic helper'

picks out your wifes shoes???

what are u the king of hong kong or something??!!!?!?!?!?

[redkingjoe]

the 'domestic helper'
picks out your wifes shoes???
what are u the king of hong kong or something??!!!?!?!?!?

domestic helpers will do: cooking(from buying food to dish washing including learning how to cook french, italian, japenese foods and dessert)(also include taking the seed/skin out of fruit and cut into mouth-bite size), cleaning(floor, car, laudry, toilet), hand wash expensive cloth(like jil sander, paul smith), ironing every cloth we wear(include underwear), baby sitting(change diapers and wash the baby), shoe shining, body messaging(if u like), picking badminton shuttles from the ground during training, remembering to turn on air-con 30 minutes before we arrive at home...typically they wake up before 6.00am and sleep at 10-11pm after finishing all the work...

to sum up: they just do everything you give them...almost non-negotiable...you name it, you've got it.

domestic helpers are very common in HK...especially those with kids...most of our "next door" neighbour even have 2 domestic helpers

(note to self: want to be king, queen or prince/princess at home, live in hong kong)

[littlemissloud]

well i hope you pay her well

[redkingjoe]

well i hope you pay her well

indeed, they are extremely welll paid with 250 pounds per month...for a 6 days week at around 14 hrs/day

(ps: they have free food plus unlimited supply of amenities)

[littlemissloud]

£250 a month!?????????????!!!!

for a total of 336 hours??? thats only just over a pound an hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek:

[redkingjoe]

£250 a month!?????????????!!!!

for a total of 336 hours??? thats only just over a pound an hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek:

yeh, that's a good wage for them!!!! hong kong pays the highest wages to maid in asia. singapore, macau etc will only pay half or 2/3 of that!!

and these maids r very talented in language, they speak fair chinese to the elderly, english to us and native language to their buddy!!!

(note to LML:after graduating from stirling, go to HK with b/f to teach english as a second language.. hire a few of them...becoming king/queen(at home/badminton court only)

[littlemissloud]

seriously right - how do u know all this stuff about me>??????

that i go to uni, and i have a boyf etc etc?!???

[Phil McBride]

Taking that a bit far are you not LML??

He only knows what you post, either that or Joe's stalking you from HK, wow just think to the camera lens he would need for that :eek:

[Phil McBride]

Or he could have just checked your hompage as listed in your profile :rolleyes:

Simple really

[smashin']

Think about this, also. If you just walked up to a girl of about the right age and said she's at a university and has a boyfriend, how many times out of ten do you think you'd be wrong? Maybe two or three times. The odds are overwhelmingly favorable that you'd be right.

BTW, I've tremendously enjoyed reading this topic. Hilarious to say the least.

[redkingjoe]

Taking that a bit far are you not LML??

He only knows what you post, either that or Joe's stalking you from HK, wow just think to the camera lens he would need for that :eek:

to tell you the truth...i learn that from matrix2523...PM him and you will know a lot

[redkingjoe]

Think about this, also. If you just walked up to a girl of about the right age and said she's at a university and has a boyfriend, how many times out of ten do you think you'd be wrong? Maybe two or three times. The odds are overwhelmingly favorable that you'd be right.

BTW, I've tremendously enjoyed reading this topic. Hilarious to say the least.
smashin'
see...you are really a man...when a guy, who's not too sure about the fact, wants to know whether a gal really has a boyf, the guy just says," by the way, i saw you and your boyf (somewhere) last week but i didn't want to disturbe you"

than the responses from the gal will normally be very strong, she will tell you more than u wanted...than that guy has enough information to plan for a relationship

(ps: btw, smashing' pls send my regards to your gf)

[redkingjoe]

seriously right - how do u know all this stuff about me>??????

that i go to uni, and i have a boyf etc etc?!???

uni- you told us..it's public information:

Nice one, im bringing a stirling team down!! It means we're going to miss our sports union ball apparantly, but the banter wouldnt be the same without us! Whats it like then cos no one from our uni has ever been before! A jungle theme i see for the dance! Well... ill be jane!! lol

boyf-it's just traditional way of guys talking to gals when the guys r unsure of the gals' relationship status, for detail explanation, pls c my reply to smashin' in this thread

etc etc

(notes to all- want to be king/queen at home or badminton court...live in hk)

[smashin']

smashin'
see...you are really a man...

Why, thank you very much. I am, indeed.


(ps: btw, smashing' pls send my regards to your gf)


Hahahaha. I will - when I get a girlfriend.

[Phil McBride]

Think about this, also. If you just walked up to a girl of about the right age and said she's at a university and has a boyfriend, how many times out of ten do you think you'd be wrong? Maybe two or three times. The odds are overwhelmingly favorable that you'd be right.

BTW, I've tremendously enjoyed reading this topic. Hilarious to say the least.

Try going to certain parts of Scotland and that'll come right down to about 2 in 10 (going to uni that is) :p

[littlemissloud]

do i have a home page in my profile?!?!? :confused:

lol.


oh dear... i obviously post waaayyy to much stuff on here!!

and here was me thinking no one knew who i was lol!!!

[redkingjoe]

oh dear... i obviously post waaayyy to much stuff on here!!

and here was me thinking no one knew who i was lol!!!

i think you have answered your above post:

my name is littlemissloud, which would suggest that i am indeed not quiet at all. Unlike some people, i have a lot more important things to do than post on here all day every day!


as a second opinion, when you pick your nick you know are not quiet at all...LOL...and when one is loud, lot of information will simply "flow out" intentionally or unintentioanlly

as a para-psychologist trainee, i can imagine that you'll get bored if you r quiet...LOL...

so what kind of activities occupy most of your time(OK, i mean besides your lovely boyf, the various jobs and school work)?

[myself]

Think about this, also. If you just walked up to a girl of about the right age and said she's at a university and has a boyfriend, how many times out of ten do you think you'd be wrong? Maybe two or three times. The odds are overwhelmingly favorable that you'd be right.

BTW, I've tremendously enjoyed reading this topic. Hilarious to say the least.

LOL

This is the funniest thread that I myself have ever read in this Forum!