Police Jokes

[Hagi]

Man gets caught speeding, police pull him over and as the police man approaches the car the driver leans across and smacks his dog, in the passenger seat, over the nose!

Policeman:"I saw that, not only am i going to charge you with speeding but, i wll be reporting you to the RSPCA"

Driver: "You would have done the same to your dog if he did what mine just did"

Policeman: "Why what did it do?"

Driver: "It only went and ate my tax disc"

[redkingjoe]

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you, but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?!?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please?! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem, sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes. Could you please open the trunk of your car?

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you, ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!

[Hagi]

Oh red i cant believe you, a was just going to post that one!!!!! Talk about stealing someones thunder!! :p

[redkingjoe]

Oh red i cant believe you, a was just going to post that one!!!!! Talk about stealing someones thunder!! :p
1 we also talk about what an early bird can do... really LOL
2 no wonder u used "Police Jokes" in starting the thread
3 OK. u have a second chance to talk about stealing someones thunder here:


A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it, and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

[redkingjoe]

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.