Computer Viruses

[Hagi]

Beware of a few computer viruses doing the rounds at the moment:


The Celtic Virus

This is where your PC thinks its far superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 2000.


The Beattie Virus

This affects newer PC's mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.


The Balde Virus

This one is particularly nasty and will throw you out of Windows.


The Lennon Virus

The Computer slows down dramatically and can't move any work forward


The Marshall Virus

This one's not particularly harmful - but you just can't save anything.


The Varga Virus

Just when you think things can't get any worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.


The McGeady Virus

The computer develops a processor problem, whereby it thinks it's better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic fluctuation in performance.


The Hartson Virus

This is a particularly ugly one.


The Camara Virus

Will dramatically increase the speed of your machine but will make the computer unable to carry out the simplest of processes.


The Petrov Virus

Your Computer will go down before you even touch it.


The Strachan Virus

Your computer will seem to be working absolutely brilliantly then all of a sudden performance takes a nosedive and the computer chucks it due to the processor needing a break.

[littlemissloud]

what do Gordon strachan and Titanic have in common?

They both should never have left Southampton


NEWSFLASH
After signing Japanese superstar "Shansuke Nakamura", Celtic are now tryiong to sign Chinese playmaker "Win Wan Soon".



dear.. could go on all day

[redkingjoe]

what do Gordon strachan and Titanic have in common?

They both should never have left Southampton


NEWSFLASH
After signing Japanese superstar "Shansuke Nakamura", Celtic are now tryiong to sign Chinese playmaker "Win Wan Soon".



dear.. could go on all day

hohoho, so those are virus?

[Phil McBride]

No Red those are idiots trying to besmirch the good name of the best football club in hte world!!!

Ask Hagi how good his team is

[Hagi]

No Red those are idiots trying to besmirch the good name of the best football club in hte world!!!

Ask Hagi how good his team is

Hahahahahahahaha, one of the bigot brothers the best team in the world. Oh phil you are so full of ****!! :D

If i remember correctly my team won their league last year did yours phil?

Altogether now "His name is super Yogi Hughes, he has buck teeth and size 12 shoes, loves to win hates to lose, he is super Yogi Hughes"!!! "Hughes, Hughes, Hughes, Hughes"!!!!!! :D :D

[Phil McBride]

When was your teams last premier league title, beating in mind I'm using the old name cause I can't remember them ever taking a SPL title :rolleyes:

[Hagi]

When was your teams last premier league title, beating in mind I'm using the old name cause I can't remember them ever taking a SPL title :rolleyes:

Your ignorance stretches to football as well!!

Considering Falkirk are a small club its unlikely we will ever challenge for the top title as we dont have 60,000 knuckle dragging, soap dodging, bigots following us every week. Therefore we cant pay the same money for players as say the Tattie Munchers!

Then again supporting a small provincial club is far more interesting than being a glory hunter as success doesnt come along that often and when it does it's all the more sweeter!!

"Dont cry for me Bratislava, the.........."!!! Hahahahahahaha best team in the world my arse!! :D

[littlemissloud]

No Red those are idiots trying to besmirch the good name of the best football club in hte world!!!

Ask Hagi how good his team is

phil.... how can you call us 'idiots' when you can't even spell 'the' properly :rolleyes:

and with reference to small clubs... i feel i must bring in the Coca Cola cup final 1994 when my delightful small team beat 'the best team in the world'

and i know its 11 years ago - but you can't change history!!! :D

[Phil McBride]

The, there and their are always probs as I type quite fast and there is usually translocation of the middle letters.

Ha ha you pulling me up on spelling, oxymoronic to say the least.

Fair enough your team has had a victory in the past but what is the win ratio of major titles? European matches (can't believe I put that there given the last two weeks) etc.

No wonder none of you have sun tans, you never leave these shores to follow your teams :p

[redkingjoe]

The, there and their are always probs as I type quite fast and there is usually translocation of the middle letters.

Ha ha you pulling me up on spelling, oxymoronic to say the least.

Fair enough your team has had a victory in the past but what is the win ratio of major titles? European matches (can't believe I put that there given the last two weeks) etc.

No wonder none of you have sun tans, you never leave these shores to follow your teams :p

notes to self: sun tans are really bad for skin...beware!

[littlemissloud]

ill have you know that i have a fantastic suntan thanks very much!!

titles... well we have won the 2nd division more than any other team!
fact! :o

[Phil McBride]

ill have you know that i have a fantastic suntan thanks very much!!

Sun beds don't count :p

[littlemissloud]

clever ones do

[Phil McBride]

Only if they have calculators :p

[redkingjoe]

ill have you know that i have a fantastic suntan thanks very much!!

titles... well we have won the 2nd division more than any other team!
fact! :o

note to self1: suntan, however fantastically felt, is the most powerful skin aging agent causing irreversible eternal damage forever and ever....

note to self2: if i really wanted to look like 50s at the age of 30s, i simply needed to take pleasure in getting a high dose in sun(of beach)

note to self3: beware

[littlemissloud]

phil - now ure just being silly!!!!
lol

RKJ as im now going to call u - i am only 21 so wont worry about aging just yet!

[redkingjoe]

RKJ as im now going to call u - i am only 21 so wont worry about aging just yet!


note to self1(same): suntan, however fantastically felt, is the most powerful skin aging agent causing irreversible eternal damage forever and ever....

note to self2(rewrite): if i really wanted to look like mid-40s at the age of mid-20s, i simply needed to take pleasure in getting a high dose in sun

note to self3(rewrite): beware, beware, beware

note to self4(new):the cell (mitochondria) in our skin will have reaction to sun shine; aging of skin occurs each time the skin is exposed to the sun...during the chemical reaction is carrying out by the mitochondria, the skin will become tightened(more and more wrinkle eventually)...and the damage is basically eternal

note to self5(new): nevertheless, many gals love to have loads of wringle by the age of 26

[Phil McBride]

note to self4(new):the cell (mitochondria) in our skin will have reaction to sun shine; aging of skin occurs each time the skin is exposed to the sun...during the chemical reaction is carrying out by the mitochondria, the skin will become tightened(more and more wrinkle eventually)...and the damage is basically eternal

note to self5(new): nevertheless, many gals love to have loads of wringle by the age of 26

Mitochondria produce energy not anything else from what I remember about higher Biology

[redkingjoe]

Mitochondria produce energy not anything else from what I remember about higher Biology

i heard that besides producing energy, mitochondria in the skin will produce vitamin D when they see sunshine...after producing vitamin D, mitochondria will be less elastic(wringle in longer term) than before on one hand and on the other hand the skin will become rougher

[redkingjoe]

Sun beds don't count :p

how did u know someone went to bed(s) with someone under the sun(of beach)?

[littlemissloud]

note to self4(new):the cell (mitochondria) in our skin will have reaction to sun shine; aging of skin occurs each time the skin is exposed to the sun...during the chemical reaction is carrying out by the mitochondria, the skin will become tightened(more and more wrinkle eventually)...and the damage is basically eternal

note to self5(new): nevertheless, many gals love to have loads of wringle by the age of 26


and what is a wringle?!?

[redkingjoe]

and what is a wringle?!?
my bad!...sorry about that
i'm still learning grammer...it should be wrinkle


(note to self: the speed of getting wrinkle is at least 50 times faster with sun tan... i met a chick with quite a few wrinkle on her face at the age of 21...she told me she had a lot of sun tan just because her friends like her tan look)