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View Full Version : some long awaited jokes...


littlemissloud
14th January 2006, 16:50
its been a while..


Jst been arrested by police, was in car, dyin 4 a pee so did it in coke can. Police stopped me & asked wot wos in can. Now i'm bein dun 4 possession ov canopiss

(hahahahahahahhah)


Whats E.T short for?


He has no legs



An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English ******* and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.

When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland *******s and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying -
Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."






A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.

"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.

"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"

"50 pence."


hahahahaha

©ompact
15th January 2006, 09:25
What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a sweater?











Gee, you knit?


I know its sucked oh well...anyways im new hello and i love badminton w00t!! :p

redkingjoe
17th January 2006, 00:03
I know its sucked oh well...anyways im new hello and i love badminton w00t!! :p

welcome to badders.com! i like you name..it's cool!

LML,

great jokes! it gives me great pleasure reading...hahahahaha!

BairnAgain
11th April 2006, 19:58
Q) What do you call a pig with fleas?


















A) Pork scratchings!!!

zachariah
15th August 2006, 09:48
I heard this one on Radio 2 the other day and it made me laugh...

Many years after the flood, God called to Noah.

"Noah, I want you to build me another ark. But this time it will be different."

"What should I build, Lord?" Asked Noah

"You must build an ark with four separate levels. And it will carry no animals of the land, only fish."

"Two of each fish, Lord?"

"No. Just fill it with Carp."

"Ah," said Noah. "You want me to build a multi-storey Carp Ark."

NanospeedDom12
18th February 2007, 18:32
Q.what do donkeys get for their dinner at blackpool
A.Half an hour!!

A man got knocked down by a mobile library, he is lying in the road, screaming, and a woman gets out and says: SHHHH!!!

A ringmaster is out on the street looking for acts for his show, he asks a man: you dont know of anywhere i could get new talent for my circus do you?
the man says well yes acctually i have a brilliant act. so the ringmaster say ok show it to me, the man goes ok hit me over the head with this hammer. the ringmaster is unsure, but after some coaxing form the man he agrees so he takes the hammer and SMACKS the man on the forehead the man falls to the floor unconcious. the ringmaster phones for an ambulace immediatly when he sees them man isnt breathing. the ringmaster feels terrible, he goes to the hospital with the man and the doctors take him to intensive care, they tell the ringmaster there is very little chance of the man surviving. the ringmaster feels sick and goes home to his wife and tells her the story she becomes very angry at his stupidity and after a huge row kicks the ringmaster out the ringmaster is to distraught to work, he has no money is sleeping rough and is racked by this terrible guilt. so he goes to the hospital and sits by the mans bedside for nights on end. hour after hour he sits there hoping for any kind of improvement. then one day the doctors say his vital signs are becoming stronger and he looks as if he is improving, so the ringmaster sits for a bit longer, suddely the man opens his eyes. the ringmaster leans over his bed and the man goes......TA-DAH!!!!! :eek: :eek:

Q: why cant michael jackson play chess
A: he can't decide if he's black of white!

Q: two chavs jump of a cliff, who wins?
A: society!

shakespear goes into a pub, the landlord says : get out your bard
:D :D :D :D :D