Clublife May 2006
Author: Derinda Fullerton
Date: 05 Jun 2006
Category: Derinda Fullerton - Clublife
CLUBLIFE MAY
2006
MATCHES PLAYED: 25
MATCHES WON: 18
MATCHES LOST: 4
MATCHES DRAWN: 3
(AND 1 COUNTY 4TH TEAM MATCH WHICH WE
SHAN'T SPEAK OF)
STATE OF MARRIAGE DUE TO BADMINTON:
We've survived another season so that's something.
What a relief, the badminton season is over!
Do you know, I haven't had chance to watch Pride and Prejudice once since
September? And here we are in May! It's no life is it? The
garden looks like the jungle in "Lost" and the house is a bombsite. We've
even got a mouse! I shall end up on one of those programmes where the
council come and take away a mad old person with 80 cats and a house full of
rubbish. And I'll be muttering, "I could have played badminton for
England if only my parents had taken me to training every week!"
How has your season gone? Ours has been
pretty good. Both mixed teams and our 1st men's team have been
promoted. My ladies team ended up second in the league. Our season
could have been a disaster were it not for the information Rachel accidentally
overheard after we lost our first match. The opposition were standing in
the foyer by the table of cakes, crisps etc which we had provided. One of
them nodded at the nosh and said, "No wonder Derinda doesn't win many"!
Actually they couldn't be further from the truth, because even before I lived
on a diet of cakes I still didn't win many! However, I decided they might
have a point, so I stopped eating cakes during games and just ate them
before and after. We won nearly all our matches after that! Whoever
said snooping doesn't pay!
Our mixed team has had a very nice time this
year. The team consists of three young men and three old ladies. It's
a bit like strictly come dancing; three very good people and three who are just
having a go. We have discovered that it is very good for team spirit if
you have a gas guzzling seven seat car. We did worry about the
environment until we discovered that all our men use ozone friendly deodorant
which balances it out. We have had some particularly lovely singsongs on
the way home from matches this season with some splendid solos from Richard
Alekna. I won't rest until he is on Pop Idol. I must recommend
Queen's Greatest Hits for post match singing. Obviously you've got "We
are the Champions" for a win, "The Show must go on" after a defeat and Bohemian
Rhapsody, well, just because you've got to haven't you? I don't think
we'll be doing quite so much singing next season up in the Premier
League. I would like to appeal to the better nature of all the lovely
teams who are already in it. Please remember that I'm a bit arthritic and
my partner, Elliot, is far too young to cope with being thrashed every match.
Thankyou.
On the subject of Rachel's gas guzzling seven seat
car, it's her last season with us before she moves to Lancaster and apparently
she is planning to take her car with her. This could be a disaster for
morale. I have, therefore, been trying to persuade my husband that I need
a similar car myself. The advantages are many. For a start you are
much more likely to be picked for teams because of your transport value.
How often have you heard, "She's rubbish but she can fit everyone in her car so
she's playing"? I tried to persuade Paul that a seven seat car is very
useful when you have children, but he pointed out that we only have two
children, not six. He can smell a badminton scam a mile off.
I haven't been able to play many matches for
Hotshots in the Birmingham league this season as they fell on the same days as
Manor ones, but Captain Fiona has steered our ladies team up into division
1! This is clearly a disaster but Fiona is very pleased about it.
Helping to run Worcestershire's junior badminton
squad has kept me on the brink of a nervous breakdown again this
season. It's a bit like being on a runaway train you can't get off.
We have done lots of new things this year which, of course, means lots more
work. However, it'll all be worth it in 30 years time when we beat
Yorkshire in the final of the Inter Counties Tournament! Obviously by then
I'll be a demented old woman with my trousers on back to front and dribble down
my jumper, but it'll still be great!
Wouldn't it be nice if Badminton England launched
themed weeks? An obvious one would be, "Men, don't pull faces behind your
mixed partner's back week". What about "Be nice to a rubbish player
week"? Or "Save a goose, play with plastic shuttles for a week week".
We could approach different celebrities to endorse each week. Possibly
ex-soap stars - they'll do anything. If you have any ideas for themed
weeks, why not send them to The Chief Executive, Badminton England, Milton
Keynes? I'm sure he'll be very happy to hear from you.
Anyway, it's been nice chatting to you, but I must
go and scythe my way to the bottom of our garden and see if there is still a
shed at the end of it.
Goodbye!
