Clublife - January 2007
Author: Derinda Fullerton
Date: 19 Jan 2007
Category: Derinda Fullerton - Clublife
CLUBLIFE JANUARY 2007
MATCHES PLAYED: 3
MATCHES WON : 3
STATE OF MARRIAGE DUE TO BADMINTON: Not too bad, despite the strawberry cream
incident.
Happy New Year! How was your Christmas? Ours was very nice thank you, although as you might have gathered from the above, there are one or two unresolved issues. We all know Paul McCartney has a few problems: - his wife has allegedly whipped a million pounds out of their bank account and leaked unpleasant stories about him to the press.
But I ask you, dear reader, how do you think Sir Paul would feel if his spouse had pinched all the strawberry creams from a TIN of Quality Street?? I put it to you that he would feel that that was one marital atrocity too far. As it happens, I managed to eat nearly all of the other Quality Streets and one or two other boxes of chocs while I was at it, and by Boxing Day I looked like Vicky Pollard. So much so that once it had gone dark I made Abigail come jogging with me.
In fact, things were looking so bad that I went again the next day after I had washed by car (I can't put it through the car wash at the moment because half the bumper is missing and I think the big rollers might catch on the snaggy bit and wrench the rest of it off). Unfortunately, I was half way round the block before I realised I was still wearing my marigolds. I am so glamorous; I get more like Kate Moss every day.
As I have previously
mentioned, it's my 40th birthday this year and I am determined that I am not
going to reach this milestone looking like the Midland's entry for Britain's
Strongest Man.
A few days after Christmas I dragged myself out of bed at an unearthly hour to take Abigail and her partner Simone to the Notts under 15s open in Sheffield. It was held at The English Institute of Sport which is amazing. It has an indoor athletics stadium as well as about 16 badminton courts and heaps of other things that I was too idle to go and look at. If the person who decides where to build English Institutes of Sport happens to be reading this, WE'D LIKE ONE IN WORCESTERSHIRE PLEASE!!
We like running and everything down here! I tell you what, we'll just make do with the 16 badminton courts, we're not greedy people. The girls were impressed even before we even got inside by the flashy electric doors. I pointed out that we have electric doors at our home venue, but, to be fair, ours don't work. Obviously the girls had a bit of a sprint round the running track in the style of "Chariots of Fire" which I tried to capture on camera. Unfortunately, our camera has a bit of a delay feature, so I missed the girls, but the track looks very nice in the photos.
We were there
until 8pm so it was just as well that they won the "B" group doubles
event. People in Yorkshire are very
friendly by the way, probably because they have an English Institute of Sport
AND WE DON'T.
Well, they say you learn something new every day, so in
theory I should have a list of 365 interesting observations from last year for
you to absorb. You will be relieved to
know that I haven't. However, here are
the most important things I learned last year:-
- It is
a good idea to look both ways when reversing out of your drive.
- Beware
of white vans coming round the corner when you are reversing off your drive.
- New
bumpers are very expensive.
- Husbands
are very grumpy when you lose your no claims bonus.
- People
don't want to let you give their children a lift when there is a big dent in
your car.
- I am
not very good at mixed doubles.
Anyway, I am certainly a better and more humble person
due to all of the above.
The Christmas break gave me time to come up with two more
fantastic fundraising ideas in my ongoing quest to build a badminton centre in
Worcestershire:-
IDEA # 4
BECOME HEAD DESIGNER FOR LEADING KIT SUPPLIER
I bought Abigail a lovely pink Forza tracksuit for Christmas. She wore it to the Notts open and guess what? About 50 other girls had also had a lovely pink Forza tracksuit for Christmas! It's quite clear from trudging round the junior events that the minute a new bit of pink kit comes out the girls buy it en masse.
So, when I am appointed chief
designer, I shall just design everything in various shades of pink: salmon
pink, dusky pink, fluorescent pink, vivid pink, pastel pink, pink with white
shuttlecocks, pink with one or two blue stripes. You can see where I'm going with this. I'm so certain of success this time that I
shall spend the weekend selecting the colour of the paint for the changing rooms.
IDEA # 5
BECOME MAYOR OF BIRMINGHAM.
Sir Digby Jones's name has been mentioned as a possible new mayor of Birmingham and it just so happens that his lovely mum helps out at my school. Well, she's going to find herself in a very awkward position soon, because I've decided to apply for the post myself.
I should imagine I'll have
a landslide victory and when I do, I shall re-direct a couple of million pounds
of taxpayer's money to the good people of Worcestershire for their badminton
centre (which the people of Birmingham will be welcome to use if they move
here).
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Well, thank the Lord, we haven't got a mixed match for a while, but I have played 3 ladies matches this week and I feel like an old crone. I ache all over but at least we have something to show for it because we won them all. We beat Worcester 11-1 on Monday and West Mercia 10-2 on Friday. It was very exciting because West Mercia are the only team who have beaten us this season, so to be in with a chance of winning the league we had to beat them at their place.
Every game is important because it will come down to games for and against at the end of the season, so in the last one, when Claire and I were 14-6 down, we were determined not to lose. We eventually dragged ourselves up to 14 all and then won 17-14! I was so exhausted I lay on the floor like a beached whale for about 15 minutes. I could barely walk the next day and by Sunday I wasn't much better so I wasn't really looking forward to playing for Hotshots in the Birmingham league (which of course I had promised my husband I wouldn't be doing this season).
Luckily
I was playing with Tracy Baker and Catherine Grant who are very good, so I
hobbled round in the vicinity of the net and let them do all the work and we
won 6-0.
I'm having a very nice time being a badminton development
officer. Matt Shuker, the Carlton rep,
popped in today to talk to me about roadshows. Have you ever met Matt? He's very
nice, but if he comes round to your house, don't give him a cake, he'll make a
terrible mess with it.
Well, once again it's time to randomly select a problem
from my bulging postbag:-
Dear Derinda,
I am thinking of starting a junior badminton club at my
ranch. Could you tell me everything I
need to know about running a club? I
think it will be a beautiful thing.
Love,
Michael Jackson. Xx
Dear Michael,
I'm not sure it's such a good idea. Why don't you come along to my clubnight and
we can have a chat? If you come on the
same night as Sir Paul McCartney we can all go for a drink afterwards and you
can sing your dodgy 80's duet "The girl is mine" for us.
Look forward to seeing you,
Derinda
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
